I'm not sure what the term is in the Jewish mystical tradition, but I'll try to use simple language.
I've found that almost universally, people get confused about the idea of attachment and non-attachment.
Let's use the words "pure Spirit" + mind, life and body. A rather simplistic spiritual psychology but enough for now.
The Spirit IS ALWAYS non-attached. It is IMPOSSIBLE for the mind, life and/or body to be non-attached by their own effort.
What people often do (probably throughout the ages but especially in modern times) is they "try" to be non attached within the tiny little sphere of their mind, life and body.
Buddhist psychotherapist John Welwood coined the now famous term "spiritual bypassing" for this. They become oddly detached, disconnected from emotions and somatic experience. Then, one day realizing how unbalanced they've become, rather than reconsidering their own mistake, they begin to attack the contemplative traditions, declaring them patriarchal, or psychologically and sociologically uninformed, and finally you have meditation teachers essentially saying, "if you're not up on teh rooftops at all hours of the day or night shouting about abuse in spiritual communities and teh evils of the world, you're not really "spiritual.'
And the most amusing thing about all this is, through all this mishegas, their deepest Spirit remains non attached - that is, non attached to the nonsense of the blinded mind, life and body AND "attached" to She (Him, Her, It, whichever you prefer) just as it has been for all eternity (timelessly!).
Thanks Don! Just to clarify, when you say that "the spirit is always non-attached" you mean to worldy/material things, yes? My understanding is that it is highly attached to the Universal Spirit.
Ah, just thought of this which you’d appreciate as a musician.
One time many years ago, the French theologian/mystic and fine amateur pianist Gabriel Marcel was invited by a group of logical positivists to give a talk on Grace (I assume you know, but the logical positivists believed that the only things worth talking or thinking about were precise, measurable, objective realities).
So as Marcel was speaking, the positivists kept saying, “Can you define your terms more clearly,” and “can you be more precise?”
Finally, he said, “I don’t think I can use language to make it any clearer for you, but if I had a piano here, I could play it for you.”
Yes, I think we’re saying the same things with different meanings.
Instead of “attachment,” I can put it this way.
“I” as boundless open loving, compassionate awareness am always in union with the Supreme, infinite, boundless, open, loving compassionate awareness.
To the extent the “rays” of that boundless Light are bound up in apparent identify with various thought patterns, underlying identifications, moods, instinctive conditioning, etc, I cling to those as either essential for who “I” appear to be, or as “parts” of my identity that I must have, without which I would not know who I am.
To get back to the attachment language, I’d prefer to use it for the latter - if my identity is wrapped up in the outer nature of mind, life and body, I am attached to whatever supports my sense of “I,” “me” and “mine’ (“mine” is particularly the area of attachment)
To the extent I have “shifted” “back” into the Boundless Reality that I am in Truth, it is not really “attachment” but simply, recognition of That “in which I live and move and have my being.”
Hope that helps clarify. Not a matter of “wrong” or “right,” just the challenge of using language to communicate the incommunicable!
Thinking about three linked related ideas that this has elicited for me... First, the 'Theology of Anticipation' ( title of a book by Anette Ejsing--Danish Lutheran pastor and author ) which links faith in a 'Higher Power' to accepting that which I do not and cannot personally 'control' or influence--recognizing that that Higher Power is both 'The True Judge' ( Dayan Emet ) when leaning toward Gevurah, and the source of Goodness and that which sustains us in this life ( HaTov V'HaMeiteev ) when leaning toward Hesed, and that I have the right and justification to hope for Hesed even if it is not always fulfilled, second is the idea of Mediation or 'Thirdness' in the process metaphysics of Charles Sanders Peirce which is 'Evolutionary Love' or 'Agapism' and without which the living verdant Universe could not exist, and third is the Talmudic story of Rabbi Nachum Ish Gam-Zu who was an outstanding exemplar for how to engage in the 'Art of Accepting What Is'.
The Serenity Prayer saved me during the most difficult time of my life. It helped me to reorient to the pain I was experiencing. Dr. Gordon Neufeld offers us a contemporary version that he calls The Traffic Circle (model of frustration) in which he illustrates the importance of frustration as a feeling that moves us. Frustration drives change (the courage to change the things we can--this is the first off ramp when frustration enters the system. We'll attempt to change the circumstance unless futility blocks this exit), human adaptation (the futility lands, we grieve what we do not get, we accept what we cannot change and "get bigger" than the problem), but if we're too defended against futility and grief, there's only one off ramp left: attacking energy; agression; blame. These are the three off ramps out of the experience of frustration--which must find a way out of the system (our bodies.) Neufeld's work is in the science of attachment. He studies what moves us to behave in the ways we do through the lens of attachment. It can be very confusing to talk with the families I work with about attachment (Attachment Theory where healthy attachment is necessary for our survival) and non-attachment (in the spiritual sense, letting go of attachment to outcome.) Both important.
The only book I know of his, he co-authored with Gabor Mate. "Hold onto your Kids" Most of his content is offered through coursework at The Neufeld Institute and there's also plenty of free resources there. I tracked this down for you, (and was glad I did! Now I know about it.) Essentially, as a primal emotion, frustration does important work toward not only our own maturation but human progress. Anger can be a biproduct of frustration, and he explains in this video that and much more. He packs a lot in: https://www.neufeldinstitute.org/editorials/the-untold-story-of-frustration-in-18-minutes
Shabbat Shalom... there is much potential here, IMHO. There is another important reference which comes from Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of the Fathers, and from Rabbi Tarfon who famously is quoted as saying... “You are not required to finish the task (yourself), yet neither are you permitted to desist from it” (or "free to avoid it"), which comes from Pirkei Avot 2:16. In other words, taking the path of 'Apathy' and throwing one's hands up in the air in an expression of learned helplessness is not an option. One cannot but engage in the task of Tikkun Olam--of engaging with the task of rectifying the world as it stands.
Hi Adam, great column.
I'm not sure what the term is in the Jewish mystical tradition, but I'll try to use simple language.
I've found that almost universally, people get confused about the idea of attachment and non-attachment.
Let's use the words "pure Spirit" + mind, life and body. A rather simplistic spiritual psychology but enough for now.
The Spirit IS ALWAYS non-attached. It is IMPOSSIBLE for the mind, life and/or body to be non-attached by their own effort.
What people often do (probably throughout the ages but especially in modern times) is they "try" to be non attached within the tiny little sphere of their mind, life and body.
Buddhist psychotherapist John Welwood coined the now famous term "spiritual bypassing" for this. They become oddly detached, disconnected from emotions and somatic experience. Then, one day realizing how unbalanced they've become, rather than reconsidering their own mistake, they begin to attack the contemplative traditions, declaring them patriarchal, or psychologically and sociologically uninformed, and finally you have meditation teachers essentially saying, "if you're not up on teh rooftops at all hours of the day or night shouting about abuse in spiritual communities and teh evils of the world, you're not really "spiritual.'
And the most amusing thing about all this is, through all this mishegas, their deepest Spirit remains non attached - that is, non attached to the nonsense of the blinded mind, life and body AND "attached" to She (Him, Her, It, whichever you prefer) just as it has been for all eternity (timelessly!).
Thanks Don! Just to clarify, when you say that "the spirit is always non-attached" you mean to worldy/material things, yes? My understanding is that it is highly attached to the Universal Spirit.
Ah, just thought of this which you’d appreciate as a musician.
One time many years ago, the French theologian/mystic and fine amateur pianist Gabriel Marcel was invited by a group of logical positivists to give a talk on Grace (I assume you know, but the logical positivists believed that the only things worth talking or thinking about were precise, measurable, objective realities).
So as Marcel was speaking, the positivists kept saying, “Can you define your terms more clearly,” and “can you be more precise?”
Finally, he said, “I don’t think I can use language to make it any clearer for you, but if I had a piano here, I could play it for you.”
Yes, I think we’re saying the same things with different meanings.
Instead of “attachment,” I can put it this way.
“I” as boundless open loving, compassionate awareness am always in union with the Supreme, infinite, boundless, open, loving compassionate awareness.
To the extent the “rays” of that boundless Light are bound up in apparent identify with various thought patterns, underlying identifications, moods, instinctive conditioning, etc, I cling to those as either essential for who “I” appear to be, or as “parts” of my identity that I must have, without which I would not know who I am.
To get back to the attachment language, I’d prefer to use it for the latter - if my identity is wrapped up in the outer nature of mind, life and body, I am attached to whatever supports my sense of “I,” “me” and “mine’ (“mine” is particularly the area of attachment)
To the extent I have “shifted” “back” into the Boundless Reality that I am in Truth, it is not really “attachment” but simply, recognition of That “in which I live and move and have my being.”
Hope that helps clarify. Not a matter of “wrong” or “right,” just the challenge of using language to communicate the incommunicable!
Thinking about three linked related ideas that this has elicited for me... First, the 'Theology of Anticipation' ( title of a book by Anette Ejsing--Danish Lutheran pastor and author ) which links faith in a 'Higher Power' to accepting that which I do not and cannot personally 'control' or influence--recognizing that that Higher Power is both 'The True Judge' ( Dayan Emet ) when leaning toward Gevurah, and the source of Goodness and that which sustains us in this life ( HaTov V'HaMeiteev ) when leaning toward Hesed, and that I have the right and justification to hope for Hesed even if it is not always fulfilled, second is the idea of Mediation or 'Thirdness' in the process metaphysics of Charles Sanders Peirce which is 'Evolutionary Love' or 'Agapism' and without which the living verdant Universe could not exist, and third is the Talmudic story of Rabbi Nachum Ish Gam-Zu who was an outstanding exemplar for how to engage in the 'Art of Accepting What Is'.
Love these. Ish Gam-Zu is particularly apt here. TY!
Thank you for sharing the impetus that evoked this response. That is deeply appreciated.
Fantastic writing! I love Niebuhr, too!
The Serenity Prayer saved me during the most difficult time of my life. It helped me to reorient to the pain I was experiencing. Dr. Gordon Neufeld offers us a contemporary version that he calls The Traffic Circle (model of frustration) in which he illustrates the importance of frustration as a feeling that moves us. Frustration drives change (the courage to change the things we can--this is the first off ramp when frustration enters the system. We'll attempt to change the circumstance unless futility blocks this exit), human adaptation (the futility lands, we grieve what we do not get, we accept what we cannot change and "get bigger" than the problem), but if we're too defended against futility and grief, there's only one off ramp left: attacking energy; agression; blame. These are the three off ramps out of the experience of frustration--which must find a way out of the system (our bodies.) Neufeld's work is in the science of attachment. He studies what moves us to behave in the ways we do through the lens of attachment. It can be very confusing to talk with the families I work with about attachment (Attachment Theory where healthy attachment is necessary for our survival) and non-attachment (in the spiritual sense, letting go of attachment to outcome.) Both important.
Thanks for another great article!
It's interesting that he focuses on frustration as opposed to anger. Is there a specific book you'd recommend?
The only book I know of his, he co-authored with Gabor Mate. "Hold onto your Kids" Most of his content is offered through coursework at The Neufeld Institute and there's also plenty of free resources there. I tracked this down for you, (and was glad I did! Now I know about it.) Essentially, as a primal emotion, frustration does important work toward not only our own maturation but human progress. Anger can be a biproduct of frustration, and he explains in this video that and much more. He packs a lot in: https://www.neufeldinstitute.org/editorials/the-untold-story-of-frustration-in-18-minutes
Shabbat Shalom... there is much potential here, IMHO. There is another important reference which comes from Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of the Fathers, and from Rabbi Tarfon who famously is quoted as saying... “You are not required to finish the task (yourself), yet neither are you permitted to desist from it” (or "free to avoid it"), which comes from Pirkei Avot 2:16. In other words, taking the path of 'Apathy' and throwing one's hands up in the air in an expression of learned helplessness is not an option. One cannot but engage in the task of Tikkun Olam--of engaging with the task of rectifying the world as it stands.
Your take on Love the one you’re with is just amazing.
TY!