I Can See Clearly Now

Healing vision (and the soul) with light and sound.

Image: dragarwal.com

Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone?

—Joni Mitchell

When something as critical as our eyesight goes awry, we start to truly notice it, perhaps for the first time. Recently, I had an opportunity to wonder if I was losing my vision, and this song came to mind. Though we are often unwilling pupils, discomfort (and the prospect of loss) are generally recognized as excellent teachers. As such, my recent experiences undergoing several ocular corrections have given me new insight into some important aspects of vision, challenge, and personal growth.

Assuming it was just an “age thing” a few months ago, I started noticing that everything was getting really blurry. I updated my prescription twice (which did nothing). Finally, I ended up at an ophthalmologist who explained that I had cataracts in both eyes—a condition that I thought only affected “old people.” A cataract is a clouding of the eye's lens due to a natural protein build-up that almost 80% of the population eventually needs to deal with. Failure to do so leads to blindness 100% of the time.

Healing with sound

The procedure is pretty wild. Essentially, they make two incisions in your eye, break up the cataract with ultrasound, and scoop out the contents. Your old lens is then replaced with a new crystal-clear plastic one that allows light to pass through unhindered. The net result is a remarkable enhancement of everything you see—colors, clarity, distance. In some ways, I felt like I was seeing for the first time, and I came to take deep pleasure in the simple act of seeing.

The objects were always present and in their full glory; it was only I who could not correctly perceive them. I am generally frustrated with my inability to see “the big picture” and to effectively make sense of the Universe, but, try as I might, my vision is often blocked. The slow build-up of these occluding proteins is similar to the slow accumulation of experiences that falsely color our worldviews. The nasty interaction with the boss, that time I got scammed out of a small fortune, the guy who dented my car and didn’t leave a note, the family member who managed to say the most remarkably callous thing at the exact worst time; these experiences change us, and not for the better. Their cumulative weight is like an opaque filter that blocks the light and makes the whole world seem dark.

Moses was said to have seen reality through an “aspeclaria meira,” a clear lens, and was one of those who “saw the sounds” at Sinai. This clarity enabled him to connect to the Divine in the most intense and undiluted way. Metaphorically speaking, it is up to each of us to scour our vision for defects and scrub away the pernicious dross that blinds us to what is. We can then take pleasure in what is as if we were experiencing it for the first time. It’s not an easy or pleasant process, but it’s worth it.

Healing with light

Image: myvision.org

Now, right on the heels of my cataracts, I discovered that I also had a tear in my retina, the incredible light-sensitive tissue located at the back of the eye that is responsible for converting light into neural signals. This is treated by scarifying the area around the tear with a laser as a buffer that prevents further damage. I found this to be an intense process. Forced to keep my eyes wide open, 200 volts of highly concentrated light repeatedly struck the inside of my eye. This causes both a (slight) electrical jolt and the weird phenomenon of being able to see your own optic nerves lit up like lightning streaks across your field of vision. It took a good 30 minutes.

Sometimes, even the scrubbing of your lens is not enough. Some issues are too deep, too hidden. In such cases, a higher order of light is required to fix the problem. It needs to penetrate the depths of your heart and soul, and you have to stare it right in the face while it does so, eyes wide open. It is so easy to look away, to ignore, to shut your eyes to whatever needs fixing. As Nietzsche noted, "If you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." This is scary, and so most won’t do it. Nonetheless, we can run, but we can’t hide. Sooner or later, a circumstance will arise in which we will have no choice but to confront it.

It is much better to take it on early before the issues congeal and cast a permanent shadow over your world. Create your sound and light show now; unplug your eyes and heart, and behold the light.